Thursday, February 14, 2013

Abstruseness

"Sometimes people put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down."

The defintion of abstruseness is 'hard to understand.'  Some synonyms for this word are incomprehensible, unfathomable and arcane;  antonyms are clear, uncomplicated, simple and obvious.  

There is a certain battle raging within all of us that seems to me to be rather abstruse.  On the one hand, we want to be loved.  Yet on the other, we build walls all around us consisting of the qualities that we believe will get us that love.  We want love, but we're not willing to put ourselves out there so we have a shot at it.  

Abstruse.  

About once a month, I get up on the stage at church and sing in front of a few hundred people - something that seemed impossible to me several years ago.  Yet I'm terrified of not fitting in.  There is a strong desire within me to connect with people, but I sometimes close myself off from the very connection I am looking for.  I always try to forgive and forget, but in certain situations my pride gets in the way and I harbor resentment and anger towards another person who has wronged me (even though I know better).  Desiring God is very important in my life.  So why do I sometimes only go to Him when things aren't going well?  

Abstruse.

I saw a movie this week called 'Silver Linings Playbook'.  Regardless of if you have heard of or seen the movie, or what you thought of it, it has some qualities that I find myself connecting with.  One of the characters in the movie, Pat, is just released to the custody of his parents after being treated in a mental institution for bipolar disorder.  The man has no filter.  If he thinks it, he says it.  He develops a friendship with Tiffany, a recovering sex addict whose husband recently died.  It's messy, but they just sort of put everything out there with each other.  They are not the type of people that, when asked how they are doing, simply reply by saying 'fine' or 'really well, thank you.'  They tell you exactly how they are doing, and put it all out there.  And the thing that I realized as I was watching, is that their lives aren't any messier than the rest of ours when it comes down to it.  We've all got our struggles.  Theirs just happened to get aired out in the court of public opinion (Tiffany) and the court of public law (Pat).  But they were trying to deal with them head on.  To me, there was something refreshing in that.  Am I saying we should all air out our problems to every person we come in contact with?  Of course not.  But perhaps we could be a little more authentic with one another, more willing to take down the walls we are constantly building up and put ourselves out there a little more often.  Masks - we all wear them.  The only question is are you willing to take yours off and connect? 

Abstruse we are.  True it is.  Yoda I am not.            

2 comments:

  1. its awful scary taking off my mask. I have the same fear. I sit in the church and when it is time to greet our neighbor I only extend my hand to those that extend it first. This is not something new for me. I only approach those that approach me first. I am petrified of being rejected. Its hard to put myself out there. I am willing but not sure if I am able. Thank you for letting me know that I am not alone. By the way!! I love watching you sing! I would of never thought you were terrified!

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  2. It IS scary, I agree. And no, you are not alone. Thanks for the compliment. I'm not so much terrified of singing anymore as I used to be. But it sure helps to know that I don't look it, either. :)

    You're awesome Debbie! I appreciate you. Have a great weekend!

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