Even if you've never read my blog before, you know from the title that I love being a Daddy. In the nearly four years I have had the privilege of being Will's Daddy, I have experienced the absolute joy that being a parent brings. But there is another side to that coin, at least for me. You see, I am a worrier by nature. I have tried to let go of the worry, and have had some success with it, especially when I lean on God and let Him have control. But I'd be lying if I said that wasn't just flat out hard for me.
Can I be completely transparent with you? Along with the absolute and pure joy that being a Daddy brings me, there are times when a feeling of anxiety about Will come flowing in out of nowhere. Maybe it's because I know what a cold, cruel world it can be sometimes and I want to protect him from it with everything that I have. I hear stories of how mean kids can be to each other, and the thought of him riding on the school bus by himself terrifies me. When he's sick, I worry too much about it. Lately, he's been struggling to sleep through the night without coming into our bedroom at least once a night, sometimes more, and I worry that he's not getting enough sleep. Will he be included? Will he have friends? Will he be safe? I pray every day that he is surrounded by people who point him towards God, and who are kind and good influences on him. I don't want him to live in a bubble by any means. These are just very honest feelings and thoughts that I sometimes have. It's a little ridiculous, isn't it? He is such a wonderful boy, and the older he gets the more he is capable of. He has a sharp mind and a strong body, not to mention a good heart. I know I have nothing to worry about. Yet I do worry. In my head I know it's silly to worry. But my heart won't let go of it.
For some reason, when I think of Will growing up, I get anxious. Don't get me wrong, I get excited as well! Whatever he decides to do, whatever path he takes, I will love him and support him.
Have you been there? Have you felt the anxiousness and the worry creeping in on you? I'd love to hear your stories of how you dealt with or are dealing with your worry as a parent. Maybe we can compare notes. I'm still relatively new to this parenting thing, so I'm always willing to listen to what others have to share about it.
For now, I will pray and trust that God has good things in store for my little man. That tends to quiet the voice of worry and bring me some peace of mind.