August 2014. That's the last time I wrote anything in the blog. I know that my two loyal readers must be experiencing some serious withdrawal at this point. So I'm going to try to start it up again and keep at it on a regular basis. I've missed you both more than words can explain.
To bring you up to date, I still love being a Daddy. Of course it is not without its challenges, but I would not trade my relationship with Will for anything. Being a Dad is better than I could have imagined. Will is five years old now and just recently started Kindergarten. When people tell you that it all goes by quickly, they aren't kidding. I felt so many emotions when I watched him get on the bus to go to school the first time. Pride that he was such a good boy and was so excited to ride the bus. Sadness that the part of his life where he was dependent on Leigh, my in-laws or me was coming to a close. Reassurance that he was riding with some kids he already knows from preschool. Excitement for him that he is starting Kindergarten, which opens the door to so many things he's never experienced before. It's hard to let him go, but at the same time he is doing great and loving it.
Recently, Will has been prone to more meltdowns than usual. Maybe it's his age. Or perhaps he is unable to articulate that he is adjusting to the structure of Kindergarten, the new routine, longer days, etc. It is, after all, a big adjustment for a five year old. A friend of mine who has a five year old and I often joke that they are trying to take over control of the universe. In some ways, though, that's what it's about. The struggle for control. The past couple of weeks have been pretty difficult as far as Will's behavior and our response to it. The last thing anyone wants to do is argue, struggle, fight, etc. But at the same time we can't just let him rule the roost and go through life doing whatever he wants.
The thought that keeps occurring to me is this. I fail. I make mistake after mistake. If I had to put up with all of the stuff that I do every day, I would probably be a basket case. Oh wait, I already am. But back to the point. God loves me no matter what I do, or how often I fail. He loves me with a grace that I can't even fully comprehend. Grace is defined in many ways, but in terms of theology it is often described as the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God. When I fail, He loves me even more. So why shouldn't I shower Will with that same kind of love and grace? If I can just keep that mindset, I think I will be closer to the kind of Dad that God wants me to be. Does that mean everything will be hunky dory and we will always get along? No. But it definitely paints a better picture for me of what my relationship with Will is supposed to be. I tell him all of the time that no matter what, I will always love him and be there for him. Now I just need to start showing him that more often.